Entries tagged as stupidity
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Posted by Damien 1 in
Saturday, September 4. 2010
I’ve been in one of the most ruthless pirate corporations and alliances in eve and I have come to tell of one of the most hilarious pirating stories I can remember, because everyone loves a good laugh.
Our whole alliance existed in one low sec system that bordered a busy high sec area. Anything that came into the system that wasn’t blue died and most residents of the area steered clear of the system.
This fine evening I was waiting at a perch in my Megathron with some mates and ready to pounce on anything that came to the gate. Randomly, I got a convo from a neutral in system I had never met. Some pilots had been trying to locate him for about 15 minutes but he was nowhere to be found. I am not sure why he convoed me out of everyone in system… but I prefer to think it was fate.
Me - “How can I help you?”
Him -”I need some help”
Me - “Sure man, what can I do for you”
Him - “Well I am having trouble with this mission and I could really use some help. These ships are really kicking my butt.”
I’m thinking this guy can’t be serious. He comes into our system, a low sec system known for its pirate presence, to run a mission and then convo’s someone with a negative 8 security status to get help with it? I’m thinking this has to be Christmas.
Me - “Well what level mission is it and what are you flying so I know what to bring. Should I be tanked for sansha or guristas?”
Him - “It’s a level 4 and I’m in my raven. Its just my regular tank. I don’t know what you mean.”
Me - “Hold on a minute, let me grab my ship.”
He actually told me what he was flying and I confirmed it by d-scan. All the intel I could ever hope for. I get on voice coms and I tell everyone in system whats going on. We all meet at the perch and I tell everyone to hold and not say anything in local. After all, we were hoping it was a trap.
Me - “Well I’m ready. Why don’t you join our fleet so I can warp to you.”
Him - “Join your fleet? Ok sure”
HAHAHA! He actually joined the fleet with my entire alliance in it! We all warped to the mission gate and warped into the mission grid at the same time. He was 50k from the warp in point and he freaked out when he saw all the ships we brought and immediately warped off. Aww, crap. I tell everyone to start shooting the rats and stay at the warp in.
Me - “Where did you go? We all came in to help you with your mission? Come back dude we need your help with this. We are taking a lot of damage and some of us have to warp out.”
Him - “Sorry, I saw a bunch of flashy red guys and I ran. I’ll come back.”
Me - “Hurry up we need your help.”
Him – “I’m coming.”
I told everyone in voice coms he was coming back and they kept pretending to help with the mission. He warped back in. He was immediately tackled and my alliance opened fire. I shouted in local “Hey guys what are you doing?” (pause) “No don’t shoot him he is the friendly we are helping! Shoot the rats not him!” Meanwhile we are all laughing so hard in voice coms we can barely breathe. Tears streaming down my face I am laughing so hard. His ship pops fast under the hail storm of dps and he warps out of system in his pod. The walk of shame.
Him - “What the hell man?? You blew me up?”
Me - “Im so sorry dude it was a mistake. I didn’t shoot you at all, check your killmail. They thought you were neutral and panicked. Bunch of morons. I told them not to shoot you. I can’t believe I asked them to help. They killed most of the ships in this mission for you though. I can help you finish your mission if you want. I won’t ask for their help this time. I just thought they would get it done faster. Do you have any other ships?”
Him – “Its ok man I understand I guess. Yea I have a brutix I just bought in Dodixie and I need to fit it. Let me go get it.”
Im thinking, he cant be serious can he? Is he really going to go get another ship for us to kill? All my alliance mates let the GCC wear off and they go wait on gate. About 20 minutes pass go by and I hear a roar of laughter in voice coms.
Him – “They blew me up.”
Me – “Huh?”
Him –“They just blew up my brutix when I jumped into system”
Me – “You gotta be kidding me. I told them you were coming and not to shoot you. I am so sorry dude. I should have linked your name and stuff. They just said they didn’t realize it was you. What a bunch of idiots. We have had a lot of ships come through here in the last few minutes and they thought you were with them.”
Him – “I thought you told them not to shoot me.”
Me – “I did I swear! Do you still want to finish this mission? I can’t do it alone.”
Him – “I guess. The only ship I have left is my merlin and I don’t have any money left. Fitting that brutix was all I had”
Me – “That merlin should be enough.”
Sure enough he comes back into system and gets insta-popped on gate by everyone waiting for him, haha. This was back when there were only one size of rig and they were expensive as hell. We found out when we posted the killmail that he had rigged his frigate and it was worth 20-30 million isk, lol!
He finally realized he had been had.
Me – “What did you learn? Never trust a pirate.”
We blew up every last asset he had and he kept coming back again and again. Stupidity is the only constant in the eve universe and my ship is fueled by carebear tears. The odd thing is I didn’t get on any of the killmails because if I had, he wouldn’t have believed I was on his side. It was still some of the most fun I’ve had in the game and one of my finest displays of my talent as a scammer. I did take the time afterward to tell him every stupid mistake he had made and try to make sure he learned his lesson well. I normally don’t do that but I thought after all he had lost, he should walk away with something priceless – how to make sure it never happens again.
I am not with that corp anymore, but I have to admit I will always miss it.
Posted by Bern in
Saturday, August 21. 2010
There I was, sitting mining into my can, browsing the web, waiting for a chancer to try his luck; nothing was going though. I was just thinking about giving up when a Megathron warps into the belt. Odd, I think, but what the hey, maybe he's chasing someone. I carry on mining. Shortly after, I notice that another can has been put out in the belt and rub my hands together. I'm not above changing from flip trapper to just flipper if the opportunity presents itself. So I check who the can belongs to, assuming it's one of the 3 n00bs who are in the belt with me, but it's not them, it's the Mega pilot. He's mining into a can right beside me. I feel my heart speed up already, this could be a big one. I check out the pilot, he's less than a month old, so either he's an alt or he's bought, and he's in his own corp, on his own. No risk of corpies warping in and no real skills to be worried about, excellent. But, a Mega can still easily tank my little Incursis, so I decide to call in some back-up from my corp. I warp out of the belt to grab my Incursis and some extra ammo just in case, and wait for them to turn up, keeping an eye on my scanner to make sure the Mega's still there. They turn up soon after, but the Mega's left the belt, and apparently, the system. We decide to see what happens if we flip the can anyways, which I do promptly. We wile away the minutes, scanning for him in system. With 3 mins to go, he turns up again in local. With that comes a frantic search around the system, seeing if we can't track him down. With 1 min left, one of my corpies yells that the Mega's back in the belt. We all warp to him and I begin orbiting him, hoping he'll do something stupid in the final 30 seconds on the clock. He locks me and my heart skips a beat, could I be true? Will he do it?
He doesn't, instead he just starts mining again. Damn.
I try dropping a can to see if he'll bite, but no dice. We decide to leave him be for the moment and come back later to see if he'll perhaps drop a can again as he's obviously not playing at the moment. But, just as I'm about to warp out, he drops a can right in front of me. I immediately move to it and flip it, more to be a pest rather than actually expecting him to attack me. I move away from him to my dropped can to pick up the 1 ammo I put in it and suddenly, he turns red and my shield drops a little. He's fired on me, I think, Holy fuck he's actually fired on me! And, with a medium blaster, which is doing about the same damage as high sec belt rats. I rush to orbiting him and open up, deploying my drone as well. I call on my corpies to help, but he's not shot at any of them, just me. I must've pissed him off just that bit more. What's better is my T2 Ions are slowly, but happily, chewing through his shield, and then his armour. All my corpies can do is sit and laugh as they watch a lone frigate beat down a Mega. As he's reaching half armour, I swither on whether I want a ransom or the killmail. Whilst the kill would be an awesome thing to have on my sheet, the ransom would pay for my PvP for the next 2 months or more. I decide to ransom him, so I try to open up a convo, but all I get is that he's offline or otherwise unreachable.
Psh, oh well, kill it is. ^^
A couple of minutes later, his Mega goes up in a magnificent explosion and I have one Battleship kill under my belt. After surveying the wreck and the mail however, I see just how badly fit he was, and how lucky I was. He had Mim light and Med Tech 1 drones along with a missile launcher. Even with his very limited skills, he still could have beaten me, but he didn't use any of them and now I have this mail to always prove that just when you think you've seen every stupid thing a n00b will do, they'll do one more.
Corp: Russian Mens
Damage Taken: 30702
Name: Bern (laid the final blow)
Weapon: Light Ion Blaster II
Damage Done: 30702
XeCl Drilling Beam I, Qty: 2
Caldari Navy Antimatter Charge M, Qty: 4 (Cargo)
Warrior I (Drone Bay)
Antimatter Charge M, Qty: 52
Anode Ion Particle Cannon I
Large Automated I Carapace Restoration
Dual Diode Mining Laser I
10MN MicroWarpdrive I
'Malkuth' Standard Missile Launcher I
Concentrated Veldspar, Qty: 6086 (Cargo)
Valkyrie I, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)
Antimatter Charge M, Qty: 2650 (Cargo)
Warrior I, Qty: 5 (Drone Bay)
Small Hull Repairer I
Dual Diode Mining Laser I, Qty: 2
EP-S Gaussian I Excavation Pulse
Valkyrie I (Drone Bay)
10MN Afterburner I
Fly safe guys, or unsafe if that's your deal.
So, I'm bounding around my usual spots, pipe in hand, not seeing much, when I decide to pop into Uitra. With 150~ players in local, I decide there HAS to be someone worth tearing up. I'm flying my anti-frigate solo Caracal, so I'm hoping for some mining barges or something of the sort.
As soon as my warp closes on the third belt, I see a Stabber and a Moa happily jetcanning around, practically flaunting their delicious ore in my face. I scoot on over, flip it right on up, and discover that I've stolen about 20,000m3 of ore from them! Realizing that they probably won't like that, I take up a decent distance about 5km out, and within 5 seconds, I get a private convo request.
Continue Reading An Ore-Blastin Good Time
After about a week, I came across two Retrievers mining into a can in Anntiri piloted by bbylethh and shawzy007. I examine the can, just one piece of ore, great. I steal it anyway to provoke a response, but not honestly expecting anything, I just sit there, looking lazily at the two mining barges, expecting this to be just another pair of your standard breed of miner, smart enough to ignore the can flipping scum like myself. I was wrong...
Continue Reading Incursus Almighty
As i'm moving the bit of stuff I still have in Bosboger over to Hek, I make a quick stop in Olfeim in my Ranis. Haven't been here in ages. Sure enough, it is the same sleepy system it always used to be. A deadend lowsec with only one entrance from a 0.5, it used to be playground for noob ratters and pirates alike. It's more than quiet tonight, and the tranquility carries over to me.
Bored, I warp around for a quick scan. I don't feel like engaging anything, having my cargohold full of the shiny faction stuffs i'm hauling. The faint "ping" of my scanner barely wakes me, and like in a trance I turn the dials and knobs. My tiny 'ceptor seems to move by itself, sleepwarping in on the Scythe Fleet Issue in belt 1-1.
The pilot, short of a year old, is oblivious to my presence. I'm not too excited either, having just NPC'd my security status back up to -1.94, being barely legal in 1.0 systems again. I hate missions. Mindless and boring, almost as bad as... wait-- Getting closer, I notice a distinct glow emerging from his ship. Mining lasers! As my ship eases into a 500m orbit around his, I almost bump into the little dronies zipping about between the Scythe and a nearby 'roid. A closer look reveals them to be Harvesters, the holy grail of mining directors.
I must be dreaming. Is this some kind of set up, deliberately staged to rob me of my precious secstat? It just looks too good to be true. It dawns on me this young pilot might not have noticed that he has left the safe haven one stargate over, and is no longer under CONCORD protection. Slightly amused, I do the logical thing: I flip his can!
The ore muncher gives me an unexpected reaction. Not only does he keep mining, he reaffirms his generous altruism in local chat:
Vector 8 > you're welcome
Seems there's a mining party, and i'm invited. Coming to my senses, I strike up a convo.
Vector 8 > Howdy M8
Xonja 2zero > so, what are you up to?
Vector 8 > Im mining so that I can pay the 50 mil to join ur corp
Xonja 2zero > really
Vector 8 > yup
Xonja 2zero > that's kinda cute
Right. Cute in a very special way. What's he on? Joining our corp? I have no idea who he is, or since when we require 50m to join. Much less accept miners. I'm pissed off. Stupid roid humper got bonked on the head by a few too many rocks, thinks we're a mining corporation? This cannot be tolerated. His icon in my overview has changed to a dollar sign. However, I play along, holding back, drawing out this moment of tranquility. I want him to feel his stupidity, all the passed chances of running away as long as he still could.
Xonja 2zero > so that's done
Vector 8 > hehe....ty
Vector 8 > luv killin rats
A couple other chat windows pop up, and while I tell people to get back to me later I miss the mining Scythe picking up speed... and warping out. To station. Escaped. ARRRGH!!! Convinced now that the pilot is a noob, I figure he might still have noticed his mistake and ran to never come back. Staying in character as the friendly hisec ore thief, I keep up the chit chat.
Xonja 2zero > i don't mind
Vector 8 > that's ok m8....It wasnt that much and there's alot to go around....gotta keep on friendly terms with my new corp m8's
Xonja 2zero > how do you mean?
Vector 8 > keep the loot
Xonja 2zero > oh, ok :)
Is he playing with me? I'm puzzled, as endlessly long minutes pass. I'm hammering the scanner, and finally, there is his Scythe again. Moments later, he's back in belt. Refitted? Expecting a barrage of projectiles and missiles hitting my hull any second now, i'm almost speechless as he turns his mining lasers back on.
Xonja 2zero > did you?
Vector 8 > what?
Xonja 2zero > you didn't
Xonja 2zero > you're in lowsec
Xonja 2zero > wanna keep your ship?
As I say this, I get to work. Describing his duo of Tech 1 Hammerhead and Acolyte drones as underwhelming would be giving them grossly too much credit, but I kill them off anyway, going for a ransom.
Vector 8 > I know that
Xonja 2zero > make me an offer then
Vector 8 > im in low sec
Vector 8 > I can only spare 10 mil
Xonja 2zero > well, you could spare your ship then
Vector 8 > common.....Im joining your corp after all
Xonja 2zero > doesn't look like it
While we chat, two rifters warp in. They're noobs, but go for my itsy red-flashy ceptor without a second thought. Not their lucky day. Just as I vaporize them, Mr. Mining Fleetscythe takes his chance for a bold maneuver: he ejects to save his pod! Without his skills holding it together, structure melts down to a little square, my drones still whacking on it. Phew, called back just in time :o
Quickly, I park the ranis at a safespot and go back in pod to pick up my catch. Expecting a lackluster mining setup worth selling for around 50m total, i'm speechless as I find this:
Over 500m worth all together it seems. I'd have settled with a 30 to 40 mil ransom. Silently, I fly my new Fleet Scythe back to Hek, a question burning in my head:
So.... ahem. Anyone want to buy a Fleet Scythe with a T2 Purger?
Of late I have been itching for something more exciting than being a carebear... so I have been pushing my corp to go into lowsec and do a little pirating. A number of times we've gone out to some nearby lowsec areas with no real luck. You know, a lot of, "almost got a point on him, or they had warb stabs fit.... well its late lest go home."
Even more recently most of the more experienced players in the corp have not been plaing as much... new jobs, exams and the like, so I have taken to going looking for pew pew myself, again with little luck, no deaths but no kills either...
Finally some action.
Cleared for publication by: Ander
Continue Reading Finally some Action
bulebolt > ok how much 2 save my ship
illy111 > 20 mil
bulebolt > ok stop shooing
SpamooM > send first
illy111 > now
Gradinger > lol
illy111 > wts so funny
bulebolt > dne
bulebolt > well
SpamooM > Thanks
SpamooM > =D
dabaron > lol
illy111 > <3
bulebolt > weel can i save my ship
Gradinger > nope
SpamooM > you will have to ask the guys who are shooting you
As you can tell, We gained a fair amount of cash from sitting in a station =D. There is a lesson to be learned here folks, Never underestimate human stupidity.
Cleared for publication by: Ander
Bit too short... but ok, it's a slow news day.
(This story's a little old, as I haven't gotten around to doing anything Eve-related for the past few months. Notice the nerf discussion.)
Cleared for publication by: Ander
Continue Reading Deep Pockets
Fortunately for me, I'm not broke anymore, and I began work once more on the original trial. I flew around for a while, gathering supplies, buying and selling, looking around for a good place to begin the work of the yarr.
Cleared for publication by: Ander
Continue Reading That Same Old Story: My First Ransom