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Posted by Damien 1 in
Saturday, September 4. 2010
I’ve been in one of the most ruthless pirate corporations and alliances in eve and I have come to tell of one of the most hilarious pirating stories I can remember, because everyone loves a good laugh.
Our whole alliance existed in one low sec system that bordered a busy high sec area. Anything that came into the system that wasn’t blue died and most residents of the area steered clear of the system.
This fine evening I was waiting at a perch in my Megathron with some mates and ready to pounce on anything that came to the gate. Randomly, I got a convo from a neutral in system I had never met. Some pilots had been trying to locate him for about 15 minutes but he was nowhere to be found. I am not sure why he convoed me out of everyone in system… but I prefer to think it was fate.
Me - “How can I help you?”
Him -”I need some help”
Me - “Sure man, what can I do for you”
Him - “Well I am having trouble with this mission and I could really use some help. These ships are really kicking my butt.”
I’m thinking this guy can’t be serious. He comes into our system, a low sec system known for its pirate presence, to run a mission and then convo’s someone with a negative 8 security status to get help with it? I’m thinking this has to be Christmas.
Me - “Well what level mission is it and what are you flying so I know what to bring. Should I be tanked for sansha or guristas?”
Him - “It’s a level 4 and I’m in my raven. Its just my regular tank. I don’t know what you mean.”
Me - “Hold on a minute, let me grab my ship.”
He actually told me what he was flying and I confirmed it by d-scan. All the intel I could ever hope for. I get on voice coms and I tell everyone in system whats going on. We all meet at the perch and I tell everyone to hold and not say anything in local. After all, we were hoping it was a trap.
Me - “Well I’m ready. Why don’t you join our fleet so I can warp to you.”
Him - “Join your fleet? Ok sure”
HAHAHA! He actually joined the fleet with my entire alliance in it! We all warped to the mission gate and warped into the mission grid at the same time. He was 50k from the warp in point and he freaked out when he saw all the ships we brought and immediately warped off. Aww, crap. I tell everyone to start shooting the rats and stay at the warp in.
Me - “Where did you go? We all came in to help you with your mission? Come back dude we need your help with this. We are taking a lot of damage and some of us have to warp out.”
Him - “Sorry, I saw a bunch of flashy red guys and I ran. I’ll come back.”
Me - “Hurry up we need your help.”
Him – “I’m coming.”
I told everyone in voice coms he was coming back and they kept pretending to help with the mission. He warped back in. He was immediately tackled and my alliance opened fire. I shouted in local “Hey guys what are you doing?” (pause) “No don’t shoot him he is the friendly we are helping! Shoot the rats not him!” Meanwhile we are all laughing so hard in voice coms we can barely breathe. Tears streaming down my face I am laughing so hard. His ship pops fast under the hail storm of dps and he warps out of system in his pod. The walk of shame.
Him - “What the hell man?? You blew me up?”
Me - “Im so sorry dude it was a mistake. I didn’t shoot you at all, check your killmail. They thought you were neutral and panicked. Bunch of morons. I told them not to shoot you. I can’t believe I asked them to help. They killed most of the ships in this mission for you though. I can help you finish your mission if you want. I won’t ask for their help this time. I just thought they would get it done faster. Do you have any other ships?”
Him – “Its ok man I understand I guess. Yea I have a brutix I just bought in Dodixie and I need to fit it. Let me go get it.”
Im thinking, he cant be serious can he? Is he really going to go get another ship for us to kill? All my alliance mates let the GCC wear off and they go wait on gate. About 20 minutes pass go by and I hear a roar of laughter in voice coms.
Him – “They blew me up.”
Me – “Huh?”
Him –“They just blew up my brutix when I jumped into system”
Me – “You gotta be kidding me. I told them you were coming and not to shoot you. I am so sorry dude. I should have linked your name and stuff. They just said they didn’t realize it was you. What a bunch of idiots. We have had a lot of ships come through here in the last few minutes and they thought you were with them.”
Him – “I thought you told them not to shoot me.”
Me – “I did I swear! Do you still want to finish this mission? I can’t do it alone.”
Him – “I guess. The only ship I have left is my merlin and I don’t have any money left. Fitting that brutix was all I had”
Me – “That merlin should be enough.”
Sure enough he comes back into system and gets insta-popped on gate by everyone waiting for him, haha. This was back when there were only one size of rig and they were expensive as hell. We found out when we posted the killmail that he had rigged his frigate and it was worth 20-30 million isk, lol!
He finally realized he had been had.
Me – “What did you learn? Never trust a pirate.”
We blew up every last asset he had and he kept coming back again and again. Stupidity is the only constant in the eve universe and my ship is fueled by carebear tears. The odd thing is I didn’t get on any of the killmails because if I had, he wouldn’t have believed I was on his side. It was still some of the most fun I’ve had in the game and one of my finest displays of my talent as a scammer. I did take the time afterward to tell him every stupid mistake he had made and try to make sure he learned his lesson well. I normally don’t do that but I thought after all he had lost, he should walk away with something priceless – how to make sure it never happens again.
I am not with that corp anymore, but I have to admit I will always miss it.
So, I'm bounding around my usual spots, pipe in hand, not seeing much, when I decide to pop into Uitra. With 150~ players in local, I decide there HAS to be someone worth tearing up. I'm flying my anti-frigate solo Caracal, so I'm hoping for some mining barges or something of the sort.
As soon as my warp closes on the third belt, I see a Stabber and a Moa happily jetcanning around, practically flaunting their delicious ore in my face. I scoot on over, flip it right on up, and discover that I've stolen about 20,000m3 of ore from them! Realizing that they probably won't like that, I take up a decent distance about 5km out, and within 5 seconds, I get a private convo request.
Continue Reading An Ore-Blastin Good Time
Most of the pirates amongst you probably know what I'm talking about, a Hulk.
I've done my own share of suicide ganking (mostly on procurers in 0.9 and 1.0 sec systems using destroyers), but it was the first time that I'd go for such a high value target.
Initially, my target was a guy I knew was a macro miner, but since he wasn't online when my rather extreme destructive impulse came to the surface, I was forced to look for other prey.
Said prey was found in the form of another macro miner (yes i know, the place where I live is full of them). Using my trusty Anathema to scan the fit of said miner, I decided that he was both valuable enough to gank, and easy enough to take down (in other words, filled with cargo expander II's and cargo optimization rigs).
The reason why I needed to know this was because I was planning on taking it down solo, in a frigging 0.9 system.
For that very reason, I decided on taking a gankfitted Tempest as my ship of choice, giving me a rather nice alpha strike to try and take down the damned ship in a single volley.
Using an alt for both looting and as a mobile warp in point, I sought out the miner (whose macro had warped it to another belt in the mean time).
As I closed in on the Hulk, adrenaline started flowing freely in my bloodstream, elevating my heartbeat to very high levels.
Smirking slightly, I activated all weapon systems while my targeting sensors started locking on to the massive signature of the mining ship.
Setting my alt on stand-by, I clicked away the warning of CONCORD, and prepared for the show.
In a flash, my ship was surrounded by the police force, and blasted into smithereens by their immensely powerful array of turrets.
To my horror though, the miner was still alive. He had made it through the onslaught with about half his structure surviving the massive blast of the giant heap of scraps formerly known as my battleship.
Cursing loudly, I started my way towards the station (no sense in giving anyone the 15mil bounty on my head by simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time in a pod), when I noticed that my target had made no move at all of fleeing.
Thinking quickly, I set a course for Amarr (the nearest trading hub), and purchased a rupture with gankfit there, hoping that it would be enough to take out the remaining bits of structure that held the macro together.
While I was buying said rupture, I was busy looking for my target, since its program had warped it back to the station.
Knowing that a somewhat clever macro programmer would at least add a check for ship damage to it, I expected it to be fully repaired, thus resulting in me having thrown away a gankfit Tempest for nothing.
Much to my personal delight though, when the ship undocked, I noticed that smoke was still coming out of its hull, indicating that it hadn't been repaired. Though for some reason, the damn thing was aligned towards an asteroid belt, but wasn't warping at all, merely slowboating towards the belt (having gone more than 60km's away from the station by the time I arrived.
Quickly moving to pursue, both my main and alt raced to reach the Hulk, hoping to take it down before it finally realised what it was doing and warped off.
The second I reached optimal with my Rupture, guns spat fire once more, and I saw the shields failing once again, while the structure decreased to a mere quarter of its original state. Strangely enough though, for some reason CONCORD decided not to show up (probably because of my close proximity to the station), but the station's guns didn't shoot at me either. There was howver, one problem. Even if I had managed to squeeze off 2 salvo's with my rupture, it still wasn't enough to take down the blasted ship, and with me being in a gankfitted ship, I hadn't bothered to take along ammo for more than those 2 cycles. Here I was, getting a free ganking chance or so to say, and I'd run out of ammo.
Shouting in frustration, I hurried my alt to pick up some medium projectile ammo in the system (carbonized lead, it sucks I know, but it was all I had on such short notice).
Warping back to my main after a short trip to a local station, I dropped the ammo in a can right next to my main, which moved quickly to pick it up and load it into the empty guns.
In short order, my artillery was once again hurling slug after slug at the exhumer, but a combination of 2 ships moving at a non-optimal range and the lack of decent ammo to shoot with resulted in the shields going down VERY slowly. While I knew I didn't have to fear CONCORD for the time being, I did realise that with every second ticking by, my chances to take down the Hulk were decreasing more and more.
My fears were realised when I saw it align to another belt. I groaned in frustration as I noticed that its shields were not even down as it warped, leaving for the relative safety of the rocks.
Knowing that me following it in warp would result in CONCORD spawning at the belt, and thus sending my Rupture after its bigger brother the Tempest, I had nothing left to do but sit at about 240km's off the station and wait for the GCC to cool down.
(I had a rather tense moment when I noticed a curse undock from said station though, but it was obviously not in a mood to pursue).
Meanwhile, being sorely disappointed by the efficiency of carbonized lead, I had sent my alt to Amarr to gather some good old faction ammo.
By the time it got back, the Hulk had returned to the station, lounging around at the outside, as if taunting me.
My GCC had finally run out just at that moment, so using my alt as a warp-in point yet again, I moved into position, loaded up the ammo my alt had dropped for me yet again, and opened fire once more. Once more, to no effect.
Cursing all possible gods, the macro and its grandkids in the twenthieth degree, I flew my main's pod back to Amarr, yet again. This time though, I was not going to give the bloody ship a chance to get away.
Having waited out yet another GCC, I used my alt to track down the hulk for the umpteenth time, and warped my main to the station, only to have the Hulk warp off to another belt right in front of my nose (it was still damaged though, as I had been able to confirm with my alt). By this time, I had developed a somewhat raging obsession with taking down that infernal ship.
Some quick detective work later (warping to the top belt surrounding the planet I had noticed it align to), I warped in, this time for the last time, and smiled with glee as a full rack of 1400's unleashed their deadly fury onto the "unsuspecting" Miner.
The smirk on my face grew even larger when I watched the Hulk explode into a bright ball of fire, even as CONCORD warped in to punish me for my nefarious deeds. I couldn't care less. At long last (and after a chase of more than an hour), I finally had my first Hulk on my killboard.
And it only took me 3 ships, plus some sec status (it dropped under -2 ^^).
It was a bit infuriating to know that had I used an Armageddon from the beginning (it was the third ship I used) instead of that Tempest, I probably would've gotten him in a single go.
But in the end, all that mattered was the fact that I had done it.
(but, knowing my luck, no real goodies dropped, of course)
Continue Reading To gank, or not to gank. That is the question
So this is my first entry on eve-pirate and one of my first few times
at pirating. Forgive me if this is badly written or not too awfully
interesting, hopefully with time and a little more experience in both
areas it will get better .....
Our story begins in Horkkisen, a dead end system right beside Eitu and
Erila. Horkkisen is a low sec system (.4) so most of the time if we
pirate we do it in the belts or at the plex gate for fear of being
ripped to shreds by sentry guns, that is unless someone decides to
aggress us first on gate. Anyhow, a few friends of mine finally found
the time to meet and play between work, which in our case is just
short of a miracle. We had devised what we thought would be a pretty
good pirating plan, scan someone down, warp in, point, and kill until
we could ask for a ransom. (I am going to use real names in this story
as i don't think there were any hard feelings between any of us) Robhe
was flying his newly acquired vengeance, an Amarrian assualt frig,
which is great for tank and tackle but not so hot on dps. I was also
flying an Amarr AF, the retribution which is an absolutely amazing
tank and dps dealer but sadly is gimped with only one mid slot so
basically robhe tackled and i (kalebhuff) dealt dps. We also had a
third memeber of our party, Laroqu, who was a fair nooblet still
within his 14 day free trial. We had him in a punisher and he was set
up to basically, as much as i hated to say it, be our "bait." He would
sit in a belt, pretend he was ratting and when someone aggressed he
would throw down a point and hopefully we could make it in before he
got popped . As soon as we landed in horkk I popped open the scanner
and had a quick look, we had a brutix and caracal on scan. First we
split up. I would check the plex gate and robhe and laroqu would start
on opposite ends of the belts and work their way inward. As fate would
have it laroqu found both the caracal and brutix working together
ratting in one of the last belts...muahahahahahah!!! I got ready, and
warped in on laroqu, robhe and I landed at about the same time.
Immediately the brutix set in on me and unleashed his drones (tech 1 hammerheads i believe..shoulda had t2).
He honestly wasnt doing too much damage because we were speed tanking and repping just fine, even laroqu in his t1 punisher.
After about 5 minutes he went pop...WOOOO! Our first kill! Then we moved onto the caracal, for some reason he hadn't warped off, call it loyalty or just not thinking, he was there. So we sent laroqu after him to pin him down. Here is where the story takes an interesting turn...after we had him pinned, one of my corp mates Kardea, warped in to give us a little back up. However he didnt realize that laroqu was friendly and had not been invited into the corp yet. He finished of the caracal in a matter of seconds, and then...proceeded to aggress laroqu. Immediately i start slamming the private chat we had been in "LAROQU IS FRIENDLY! STOP SHOOTING HIM!" It took Kardea about 5 seconds to pop laroqu and then he preceeded to traget his pod. Again I slam private chat, then slam local "LAROQU FRIENDLY!!!!!" All the while laroqu remains silent on coms, quietly accepting his fate. After he was killed Kardea apologized and laroqu wasnt upset, as his setup was easily replaceable. I am actually going to include a text message sent to my wife from his mom quoting laroqu while the whole thing went down, it was actually pretty funny to see how non gaming women view the game....
(Laroqu (Andy's) mom to my wife) So Andy is sitting over here going
"We've got someone in the system!!!!!
we've got someone in the system!!! Oh cardao is helping us.
I think Cardao is killing me.
Cardao is about to pop me
he already blew my ship up.
I got potted..."