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Deadly, Lucky, Evil

Well, ladies and gentlemen - I'm back. It's probable nobody noticed I was gone. However, now my brief hiatus from EVE is over, I can get back to telling you all the heart-pounding stories of me shooting stuff and one of the parties involved exploding!

Recently, I have done something I told myself I would never do - I trained Gallente. I am now wondering why I never did before. My ship of choice, the Myrmidon, is an engine of destruction the likes of which I have never been priveleged to fly before. My T2 drones probably help on that front.

Today, I was cruising around in my lowsec of choice, when I noticed that one system only had one contact in local. I thought it was unlikely that he'd be out in belts, but in my infinite optimism, I tried directional scan anyway. Lucky me - I managed to pick up a Drake. As I have said before, I am aware of the Drake's wonderfully powerful tank - but the way I had my myrmidon fitted, I was pretty confident I could break it. Warping to the belt he was at, I landed 40km away from him - he was busy looting a battleship spawn he'd just finished killing.

Hitting my MicroWarpDrive, I began burning towards him, fully expecting him to turn away and start running for the space-hills. To my pleasure, he instead burned towards me, locked me, and proceeded to hurl missiles at me. A willing victim is always more fun! At this point, I was still 30km away, and my shields were already down - but seeing as I was in a Gallente ship, this simply meant that combat was happening. His missiles were markedly less effective on my armour - two more shots before I closed into weapons range and I hadn't had to cycle one of my repairers.

Throwing my Warp Disruptor and webifier onto him to prevent an expeditious retreat, I began pounding away with my blasters. I then noticed him launching a flight of tech 1 drones, so my tech 2 lights were sent to...deal with them. Violently.

As soon as his drones were down, my light drones were called back for a well deserved break, and it was the turn of the medium drones to work their magic! With my drones thrown upon him too, the Drake's tank was dropping...worryingly quickly. I opened a conversation with the pilot, and told him my ransom demand - 15 million for the safe release of his ship. The pilot responded with a plea to stop firing on him, but I wasn't going to comply until I could safely finish him with a single volley if his friends showed up. Local was still clear, but you can't be too careful.

As the Drake entered structure, something rather...strange...happened. A capsule appeared by the Drake. The pilot had...ejected? Well, that certainly is new. Ceasing fire upon the Drake, I advised the pilot to run in our conversation, whilst locking up the pod. No such action was undertaken by my adversary, and as such, he woke up in a clone vat.

Warping back to a station (And throwing a bookmark down at my previous location), I once again checked local - clear of anyone but me. As such, I hopped into my own pod, warped back to the Drake, and claimed it as my own. I then saw why he dropped so fast - it was fully T1 fitted. Not too badly, but still T1 fitted.

I then checked the age of the pilot I had just podded...ah...three months. That explains a LOT. Urgh. Feeling slightly guilty, I warped back to highsec in my new shiny Drake, stored it in a station, and grabbed my Myrmidon again. There was more fun to be had on this day!

I'll knock the dents out of the Drake later. Hopefully, the pilot learned something. Hopefully. I guess I should feel bad about doing that to a new player, but hey - he made the decision to go to lowsec!

I'm still confused as to why he ejected, but I can't say it ended badly for me! And in the end, isn't that what EVE is all about? Yes. Yes it is. =)

Arbitrary Judgement

Due to the encouragement received (thank you Kissa for your comment on my last post!) I am going to tell you all a tale of a slightly better battle than last time! Huzzah!

Many players believe that in combat, having a bigger ship means you win. This, as I am about to demonstrate through the incontrovertible truth of "Me saying it", is not the case. I have recently begun to grow a little tired of my can-flipping activities - miners are a spirited bunch, but aren't always equipped to provide a stimulating battle - and so have found a new way to curb my blood-lust. I need only three things: A scan ship with probes, a cruiser, and the ability to stop myself hitting the "Warp" button when I enter structure. The last of those was absolutely vital in this encounter...

My weapon of choice - the Amarr arbitrator. I am a drone specialist, and so probably should have trained for Gallente, but the Amarr vessels looked so pretty and shiny, how could I resist? Anyway, enough of my rambling - on to the method! Firstly, I use the scan-ship to scan down a mission runner in one of the major level 4 mission hubs (But which one? Ah, you shall never know! Unless I tell you later). I then proceed to it at warp in my arbitrator, appraise myself of my target, judge his viability for pew-pew, and then...steal his "ultra-valuable" mission loot. It's usually something like a cap booster 800.

At this point, the following thoughts tend to cross the mind of the target. Either 1) Hey, that guy's in a cruiser stealing from a battleship? Something's going on here...I'm not rising to it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the sensible option, which I implore you all to take if I ever show up in your mission. Alternatively, the mark could think 2) Hey, what does this guy think he's doing, stealing my cap boosters? I shall show him my 1337 pew-pew skillz! I must be able to win easily, because I'm in a battleship!

Unfortunately for my victim in this story, they thought 2) was the best answer to their problem. I had scanned myself down an Abaddon! I like Amarr battleships - because I armor tank, I have pretty nice EM resistances, and that's pretty much all lasers do. This particular Abaddon was fighting Guristas - so naturally, I gave them every chance by taking Explosive drones that they were weak to. Aren't I lovely?

As soon as I went flashy red, I saw myself being targeted. Wonderful...now let's see if that plate holds up. I almost forgot to turn on my damage control II, but was rather glad I did...the first volley cut my armor down to 40%! At this point, I seriously considered running like a frightened child. I then weighed up the options: 1) 2 more shots like that and I'm toast. 2) I'm 15km away from this guy. Most likely using beams. Probably inside multifrequency optimal. 3) My afterburner means I can close rather quickly... 4) Oooh, I have tracking disruptors! *pokes activation button*.

Unfortunately, that wasn't quite enough...another shot slammed into my hull, setting alarms off across the ship. Tactical readouts showed my armor vanish, and my hull plummet to 14%! My ship was on fire, and the metaphorical space-rats were abandoning ship. Oh dear...well, no time to align and warp now!

I hit the warp disruptor and the armor repper, waiting for the next shot. After the cycle time of about 9.2 seconds, it came. White-hot energy lanced out of the Abaddon's guns, scything towards my stricken cruiser, and...missed. My tracking disruptors had done their work, and I was now within 2km of the ship. There was nothing it could do to hit me!

I surveyed my arsenal - now I had all the time in the world. There were no members of my victims corps in channel, so I could do this calmly. With 14% hull, I couldn't make any mistakes...especially not with my orbital velocity. It was then that I noticed a cloud of drones spewing forth from the Abaddon...the Hornet I's of imminent doom! Launching my own light drones (tech 2), I made short work of them and the vespa I's that followed. Now I had truly eliminated all threats, and I recalled my light drones and threw my medium drones upon the battleship.

Slowly, my drones pecked away at the armor of the mighty vessel. After 15 minutes, there were still none of the pilot's corpies in local - and now they couldn't touch me anyway, as the aggression timer was over. Yay. Still, I had about half of this guy's armor to go. It was at this point that I remembered that I had neuts fitted.

Feeling like an idiot, I threw my tech 2 neuts onto the ship as well. The armor started dropping rapidly now - obviously his repper couldn't function without cap. My capacitor needed careful management too, but I had the advantage of a Nosferatu as well.

A further 2 minutes of this treatment and I had armor down to a tiny sliver. I toyed with the idea of seeing it explode so I could have a nice, shiny, Abaddon killmail to polish, but I remembered my lessons that I learned on EVE - Pirate...Real pirates ransom. Unless its a war target. Opening a conversation, I am treated to a lovely, polite opening line from my victim..."Wtf?". Granted, I have just committed a random act of violence against them and their shiny ship. I start with my customary "Hello sir, you appear to be in a spot of pirate - related difficulty. Shall we agree a price to rectify this situation?". My victim is quite co-operative, and pays me a cool 35 million for the safe release of their ship. Honoring the ransom, I de-activate my scrambler and watch the battleship limp towards the nearest station. Now to get the holes in my damn ship fixed...

I had thought that the end of the story would lie there, but no! My CEO received an EVE-mail from my victim, which he forwarded to me (After he had stopped laughing at my new escapades). Here it is, readers - the message itself. Bear in mind that the character I attacked was 2 months older than my own.

"Being a chick and new to this game I just have to say something. I just want to tell you its really crappy what your corp member did to me. I understand your corp likes pvp and Im a 'carebear' but II havent learned enough in this game so its my choice. Its one thing to pvp its another thing to come into someones mission who is minding there own business almost kll them and ransom them I dont think thats fair play. Personally I think its fucked up. And I am sure this is falling on deaf ears since youzmay condone this action but I feel I had to say my peace. And this is definately not directed to you personally but someday I will get a grasp on this game and get my shit together (as long as people like your mate dont jack me) and what goes around comes around."

No spellcheckers were harmed (or used) in the creation of this EVEmail. By the way, I really look forward to the time they do come after me and "What goes around comes around". I could use a fight!

Until next time I manage to find something interesting in my Inbox, this is me, signing off. Fly safe - but not too safe!

Evil and without shame

This will be my first submission to Eve Pirate, though I have been meaning to write one for some time now as a medium-time reader and an aspiring pirate myself. However, until today, I didn't have anything that I felt worthy of this blog. As I said, until today.

I was browsing the high-sec belts in Caldari space, as is my custom, looking for unfortunate miners to steal from and fight. I was hoping to have a proper fight, and maybe even get blown up, after a few days of "Cormorant of doom" T1 setups being thrown at me. I was not prepared for what was to come.

My Punisher wrenched itself out of warp in the middle of a corporation mining operation! One Hulk, two retrievers, and a cormorant. I tend to leave these alone - they have orcas, and I can't flip them. Unfortunately. As I was about to spam the "warp" button towards the next belt on my list, I noticed something unusual - a yellow container. Right next to the Hulk. And a Bestower warping in to take the contents...

My thoughts were "Hmm, I never really liked this ship much anyway." as I fired up my afterburner and burned 20km to the operation, outmanned and probably outgunned. Oh well, I'm insured. As I approached, the Hulk pilot quickly hoiked the can into his hold. He knew what I was trying to do...curses. Foiled again. I took the time to bookmark an asteroid close to the mighty mining vessel, and warped out, defeated.

My next 20 minutes or so were relatively uneventful. Nobody would come out to play. I felt it was high time that someone got blown up, even if it was me, and called up my bookmark to the Hulk. Sure enough, it was there, and just as I had planned, it had plopped another cargo container down for me. How generous! I quickly flip the surprisingly full container into my own, and expect the fleet to promptly turn and warp out.

What happened next shocked me so much, I almost couldn't find my warp scramble button. The Hulk, within 20 seconds of my evil thievery, started flashing red! It didn't have combat drones out, so that could only mean...yes, my can was gone! Astonished, I lift my jaw back up into its proper place, acquire a target lock, open up with my blasters, and wait for the almost inevitable swarm of drones from the rest of the fleet. Some of them were older than me, some were younger. The fleet, however, turns, aligns to a station, and warps away. I knew they were going to get their pew-pew ships of death, but fortunately the Hulk was already at half shields.

The Cormorant had stayed, and locked me. Once again, I was disappointed as it spectacularly failed to do anything. I guess those mining lasers were inhibiting its offensive capability, but I thought he would have at least one gun if he'd locked me! Instead, he just sat still, watching me bite into his corp-mates armor.

As the Hulk entered structure, I started hitting the scanner to see the fleet that MUST have been sent to dispatch me by now! I was disappointed again. Nothing! My adversary only had a tiny sliver of structure remaining, and two shots would have finished him. Finally, i see a ship on my scanner. A Drake. I know the reputation these things have, and there was no way I could break a properly fitted Drake tank in my little Punisher. One more shot enters the dying Exhumer. The final cycle of my blasters runs its course, and the Drake arrives just in time to see 170 million's worth of ship (Due to the inflation after Dominion) explode in a pretty blue fireball, giving me my first kill to be proud of. Okay, maybe not proud, but he would have minced me if he had T2 drones! Honest! He dropped some nice modulated strip miners for my trouble, too.

As I docked in my favorite station and sorted through my spoils, I reflected that I should have felt guilty. I probably just wrecked that poor guy's day. That was one expensive ship, and the killmail tells me it was rigged. Strangely, I didn't feel even a twinge of guilt - only an urge to do it again! Does that make me evil? I certainly hope not...

I must say though, I have great respect for the Hulk pilot, and the corporation in general. No smacktalk, no crying in local, no threatening EVEmails. To hold ones composure after that sort of loss is truly admirable. Well done guys! o7. I would say "You know who you are if you're reading" as I am not naming you, but this probably happens to many people, every day.

Well, I hope you, the reader, enjoyed my rambling, over-the-top, and maybe slightly disappointing entry to this fine site. I don't know why the fleet did not return to scatter me to the stars, but whatever the reason, it sure would have made for a better story if they had!

Until the next time I do something sort-of-impressive by my standards, fly safe, and YARR!