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The curious drake

Since i have nothing better to do i will tell my humourous tale of the curious drake pilot.

We all know the drake, that ugly little caldari boat with the overpowered tank and all the dps of a spork (if you dont know what a spork is your totally missing out). These beasts (and by beast i mean some kinda rodent, possibly a capebara) are often seen in the hands of unfortunate carebears content in the knowlege that it takes an insane amount of dps to kill thier l33t t2 fitted missioning boats. Normally i refuse to engage these things under sentrys as

a) they are usually bait for some mega blob of carebearish anti pirates in their pwmobile laser ravens

b) I usually run out of cap boosters in my sacrilege before killing them (my sacs lasers suck up soo much cap, pehaps i should use blasters)

Cleared for publication by: Ander


Anyways i am roaming about one day and what do i spy on my trusty scanner but one of these lovely carebear drakes. It had some name like "destruction and mega death from the 19th layer of hell" so you know its some guys mission ship (pvpers only ever name thier ships after genetalia or some form of homoerotica). I quickly give the system a quick once over and realise hes at the station so i figure ill go buzz him and see if he engages my flashy red behind. As i arrive im forced to do a double take as i see the drake is 300km away from me. Now i know some of those damn minmatar stations have an obscene docking radius but this was insane. Then i realise this little drake has slowly slowboated in a random direction of into the depths of space. Quickly realising he is probs AFK and since he isnt aligned to anything i snap on the MWD and burn out towards him. The bastard waits till im 40km from tackling him and warps to the station laughing away to himself. Well of course im dismayed, gone is my chance to gank some sweet carebear flesh. My target is now sitting under those damn sentrys guns which i have grown to loathe so much and i feel my kill is lost.

Fortunately though this is no common carebear drake pilot. This is the CURIOUS DRAKE PILOT!!!

I stare in confusion as i see the drakes first salvo of missiles soar towards me. I quickly return the favour and realise that the newb drake pilot is in a total newb drake and hes melting fast. Giggling with glee at this unexpected prize im dismayed as the drake suddenly warps out. Was it stabbed? had it used some careful dev hax to escape? or was Firkragg a total noob tard who was so suprised by the curious drake that he forgot to scramble it? You guessed it im a noob who only reach -10 by killing shuttles, haulers, and barges :-(

This is where our story would end if it was your common garden variety drake. But remember we are facing the fiercesome CURIOUS DRAKE!!!!

First we drop a little bait

Firkragg > lol gj i was almost out of boosters
inkon > lol

After my noobish display of forgetting to scramble its entirely possible that i forgot to load boosters :-)

The curious drake is obviously keen to test this theory and warps back from his safe spot to the station \o/ Some fun pew pew and the scream of a carebear later and we get

2008.03.15 00:10

Victim: inkon
Alliance: Hedonistic Imperative
Corp: Bene Gesserit ChapterHouse
Destroyed: Drake
System: Nakah
Security: 0.4
Damage Taken: 39592

Involved parties:

Name: Firkragg (laid the final blow)
Security: -9.9
Alliance: None
Corp: PREDATORS OF DESTRUCTION
Ship: Sacrilege
Weapon: Caldari Navy Hellfire Assault Missile
Damage Done: 39592


Destroyed items:

Scourge Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
Thunderbolt Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
Widowmaker Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
Large Azeotropic Ward Salubrity I
10MN Afterburner I
Thunderbolt Heavy Missile, Qty: 1791 (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Thunderbolt Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
Auto Targeting System I
Widowmaker Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
Havoc Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
'Malkuth' Heavy Missile Launcher I
Scourge Heavy Missile, Qty: 13
Large Azeotropic Ward Salubrity I
Large Azeotropic Ward Salubrity I
Local Power Plant Manager: Reaction Shield Power Relay I
Local Power Plant Manager: Reaction Shield Power Relay I
Local Power Plant Manager: Reaction Shield Power Relay I
Nanomechanical CPU Enhancer I
Widowmaker Heavy Missile, Qty: 1805 (Cargo)
Havoc Heavy Missile, Qty: 1895 (Cargo)
Scourge Heavy Missile, Qty: 1785 (Cargo)

shortly followed by

inkon > damn
inkon > couldnt get past your armor tank
inkon > it was pretty good though
Firkragg > yeh
Firkragg > thing is passive drakes dont have much dps
Firkragg > and im in a HAC
Firkragg > i totally lied when i said i was low on boosters btw :-P

Fortunately the curious carebear wasnt a whiney carebear and talk it all in his stride and was very open to some pvp tips. So remember next time you see one of those fat ass drakes hiding under sentrys go wiggle your butt in front of one of them and you may find one who is a bit curious about how well tanked you are :-D

I know this story is quite long since all it describes is a single engagement but i hope it was interesting. It made me laugh at the time. To all those drake pilots reading this remember that when your only a few months old you arent gonna do too well against an outlaw much older and better armed than you :-D

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Firkragg on :

I just noticed a load of typos and cant change them, woe is me. Nevermind ill proof read a bit better before the next story.

Hope you all enjoy this bit more indepth description of an encounter. Still trying to find a writing style i like so give me feedback

Anonymous on :

I liked it! Especially since the victim belongs to my old corp. lol

Silent on :

lol, its not that bad, at least it proves there are some drakes out there that dont have an wtfomfgbbq tank


And drakes are sooo over powered tank wise, was messin around on eft and came up with a 1200+ dps tank... i mean, the dps sucks, but who needs it with that? lol

Setana Manoro on :

b) I usually run out of cap boosters in my sacrilege before killing them (my sacs lasers suck up soo much cap, pehaps i should use blasters)

---------

Sac is a missile ship, what you put in the 6th high doesn't dictate weather it's a laser/ac/blaster boat. :-)

Firkragg on :

I was joking about the laser sac :-D

Milo Caman on :

I love the Idea of "carebearish anti pirates in their pwmobile laser ravens
"

I found it very funny.

Anonymous on :

must resist urge to fit lazers to my raven :-D
bah, now i gotta try it :-/
- imma

Gabriel Lornadonis[TOTG]-[IAC] on :

i really dont have much luck at all when fighting drakes, ive been in three battles recently against these hunks of junk and all three were stabbed up

2 in belts and one near a station

one i took the shield down surpiringly quicly and he warps out with 2 points on him

and the others i spent ages getting there tank down only to have them warp of at 20%armor

alas its frustrating


http://s9.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=77412

Firkragg on :

Somone sent me a mail asking me some yarr questions after reading this but i was drunk and cant remember who the guy was so if he reads this can he please mail me again (assuming i dont manage to find it in my inbox)

bobbehmunchin on :

comment is pure awesome.

also, i really like the "CURIOUS DRAKE!!" like wow monsters getting different prefix to denote their strength :-P

Jenk on :

I assumed my carebearish corpmate would know how to properly fit a baitdrake. I was wrong. t1 vanilla fitted drakes lasst just long enough against blaster astartes to get 2 other ships killed, after I got 4 jam cycles off on him. **sigh**

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