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Evil and without shame

This will be my first submission to Eve Pirate, though I have been meaning to write one for some time now as a medium-time reader and an aspiring pirate myself. However, until today, I didn't have anything that I felt worthy of this blog. As I said, until today.

I was browsing the high-sec belts in Caldari space, as is my custom, looking for unfortunate miners to steal from and fight. I was hoping to have a proper fight, and maybe even get blown up, after a few days of "Cormorant of doom" T1 setups being thrown at me. I was not prepared for what was to come.

My Punisher wrenched itself out of warp in the middle of a corporation mining operation! One Hulk, two retrievers, and a cormorant. I tend to leave these alone - they have orcas, and I can't flip them. Unfortunately. As I was about to spam the "warp" button towards the next belt on my list, I noticed something unusual - a yellow container. Right next to the Hulk. And a Bestower warping in to take the contents...

My thoughts were "Hmm, I never really liked this ship much anyway." as I fired up my afterburner and burned 20km to the operation, outmanned and probably outgunned. Oh well, I'm insured. As I approached, the Hulk pilot quickly hoiked the can into his hold. He knew what I was trying to do...curses. Foiled again. I took the time to bookmark an asteroid close to the mighty mining vessel, and warped out, defeated.

My next 20 minutes or so were relatively uneventful. Nobody would come out to play. I felt it was high time that someone got blown up, even if it was me, and called up my bookmark to the Hulk. Sure enough, it was there, and just as I had planned, it had plopped another cargo container down for me. How generous! I quickly flip the surprisingly full container into my own, and expect the fleet to promptly turn and warp out.

What happened next shocked me so much, I almost couldn't find my warp scramble button. The Hulk, within 20 seconds of my evil thievery, started flashing red! It didn't have combat drones out, so that could only mean...yes, my can was gone! Astonished, I lift my jaw back up into its proper place, acquire a target lock, open up with my blasters, and wait for the almost inevitable swarm of drones from the rest of the fleet. Some of them were older than me, some were younger. The fleet, however, turns, aligns to a station, and warps away. I knew they were going to get their pew-pew ships of death, but fortunately the Hulk was already at half shields.

The Cormorant had stayed, and locked me. Once again, I was disappointed as it spectacularly failed to do anything. I guess those mining lasers were inhibiting its offensive capability, but I thought he would have at least one gun if he'd locked me! Instead, he just sat still, watching me bite into his corp-mates armor.

As the Hulk entered structure, I started hitting the scanner to see the fleet that MUST have been sent to dispatch me by now! I was disappointed again. Nothing! My adversary only had a tiny sliver of structure remaining, and two shots would have finished him. Finally, i see a ship on my scanner. A Drake. I know the reputation these things have, and there was no way I could break a properly fitted Drake tank in my little Punisher. One more shot enters the dying Exhumer. The final cycle of my blasters runs its course, and the Drake arrives just in time to see 170 million's worth of ship (Due to the inflation after Dominion) explode in a pretty blue fireball, giving me my first kill to be proud of. Okay, maybe not proud, but he would have minced me if he had T2 drones! Honest! He dropped some nice modulated strip miners for my trouble, too.

As I docked in my favorite station and sorted through my spoils, I reflected that I should have felt guilty. I probably just wrecked that poor guy's day. That was one expensive ship, and the killmail tells me it was rigged. Strangely, I didn't feel even a twinge of guilt - only an urge to do it again! Does that make me evil? I certainly hope not...

I must say though, I have great respect for the Hulk pilot, and the corporation in general. No smacktalk, no crying in local, no threatening EVEmails. To hold ones composure after that sort of loss is truly admirable. Well done guys! o7. I would say "You know who you are if you're reading" as I am not naming you, but this probably happens to many people, every day.

Well, I hope you, the reader, enjoyed my rambling, over-the-top, and maybe slightly disappointing entry to this fine site. I don't know why the fleet did not return to scatter me to the stars, but whatever the reason, it sure would have made for a better story if they had!

Until the next time I do something sort-of-impressive by my standards, fly safe, and YARR!

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Erzak on :

Nice! That was an awesome kill!
Don't feel bad about it, it was his own stupidity for taking your can in his hulk, and it was even more stupid that he didn't have any combat drones.

Kissa on :

Good job :-)

I hope to see more of your stories in near future.

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